The Agony of Defeat...

Life lessons are never fun to learn. Never. Owen learned it the hard way last night. All of my boys play soccer and they adore the sport. Never once did I think I would be a soccer mom but seeing as my house has injuries from flying soccer balls and my laundry always has socks, shorts and shin guards in it not to mention my purse is full of raffle tickets for my sons comp team I guess I have to woman up here and say "Well hell Shammie you are a soccer mom".
But back to Owen because this is his story. Owen has always been competetive. If his brothers could do it he could do it too and better by God. So it would stand that when it comes to soccer he would be the one who figured out the game first, the one that learned the strategy first and well, he would also be the one who throws his whole heart and soul into it. For a kid this dedicated to his sport at only 6 years old you can imagine how heartbreaking it is for him to be on a team with only one other kid who really gets the game, really understands what he is doing and really tries hard. Everyone else on his team still gets out there and stands, or gets out there and kicks the ball away from their teammates. I can't tell you how many times I saw Owen within a hair of getting that ball in the oppositions net only to have one of his own teammates trample him and kick the ball out of bounds.
My poor son....
He came off the field in tears and looked at me and said "mama I am mad and sad, I didn't know I could be both those things" - and he had tears streaming down his dirt covered cheeks right over the cleat marks from one of his many falls. I gave him a hug and told him it was okay to be mad and sad and he had every right to be mad and sad and then gave the mom speech about how good he was out there. I felt horrible because maybe if I hadn't encouraged him to care about his sport and hadn't encouraged him to be the best he could be then being on a team that doesn't seem to have a competetive bone about them wouldn't be so hard for him. I am torn because I want him to be happy but for a kid like him winning and playing on a team that works hard is what makes him happy. He doesn't understand why a kid would play if they don't play to win (for the record I was the same way when I was his age - playing for the fun of the sport didn't make sense to me, winning made the game more fun).
I overheard a couple of moms complaining about how my kid was so mad about the game and about how his parents must be those driven parents that refuse to allow their kids to play unless they play hard and win. I took offense at that and would have confronted them except I didn't want to cause a scene and I didn't want to have to knock their teeth him with my lawn chair because I was that mad - and there were small children present.
I wanted to tell them that I encourage my children to have fun. I also encourage them to try their hardest. If I wanted them to play soccer just for the hell of it aspect I could save myself the registration fees and let the kids just kick it around in the yard. However I want my kids to play a team sport and learn the lessons that come with it. I want them to have the euphoria of winning at something and yeah, even the bittersweet taste of losing. I just can't be a touchy feely everyone love everyone mama who is okay putting my kid in a sport to watch him stand there watching the clouds in the sky while balls zoom past him. I also can't stomach those parents that don't believe we should have tournaments and that all kids should get medals win or lose.
I guess I am just a little to old school and certainly a lot to competetive. When my children play a game their hardest win or lose I am proud - consequently when they have an off day I don't sit there yelling at them but neither do I sit there singing their praises if the bad day was due to them not giving their all - I just offer up "better luck next time" and leave it at that.
So I guess that is why when my baby sat on my lap with tears in his eyes both sad and mad my heart broke with him. I knew where he was coming from and as sad and mad as he was I was okay that he felt those emotions and I told him so. I knew he played his hardest and he learned today that sometimes being your best doesn't win the game but that life still goes on and you just get up, dust off, wipe the sweat off your face and do it all again the next time.